If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
