Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
