She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
