i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I am puke
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
