So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You pole danced in your parka.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
