The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
