3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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