she was so not down for the gang bang
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
