drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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