I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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