I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
