I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
