Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
