my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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