Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
