pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize