A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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