I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
