omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
