I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't think brook has ever known best
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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