I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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