We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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