I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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