I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
