hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
