she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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