frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize