You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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