what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Randomize
