No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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