in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
