butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
