You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
