the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
