I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
