I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
