I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
