It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
