Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
