I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
