last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
