Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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