i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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