Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize