Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
