Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
