im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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