I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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