dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
