everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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