I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Two words: blizzard sex
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
