I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
