i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
