Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
