I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
