i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
