I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
