he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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