Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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