I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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