I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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