ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
