I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
