she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
