Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
