the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
