I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
