can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
