We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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