I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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