Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize