I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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