Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize