Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
