Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
